Uncorrected Personality Traits
by chatnoir1
Summary: Loki is making the rounds. A series of short vignettes.
1. Jane

Uncorrected Personality Traits

A.N.: Loki belongs to Norse Myth. Marvel took him out, shook him up and played with him. I'm doing the same. What is Marvel's remains Marvel's.

"Uncorrected personality traits

That seem whimsical in a child

May prove ugly

In a fully grown adult"

"Uncorrected Personality Traits"

Robyn Hitchcock

JANE

Jane heard a noise from her kitchen and looked at the clock. It was 1:30 am. Damn. Whoever or whatever it was, they were not making enough noise for it to be Thor. Thor had all the grace of a herd of wildebeest on their annual migration - full speed ahead and just run over anything foolish enough to be in your way. She wished she had a taser like Darcy's - all she had handy was a janitorial toilet plunger. She grabbed it made her way cautiously to the kitchen. There, standing in the comforting cool glow of the open refrigerator door, was Loki. She took a firm grip on the handle of the plunger.

One delicate eyebrow rose. "Are you planning to attack me with that, whatever it is, Jane Foster?"

"I'm considering it. What are you doing here?"

"It should be fairly obvious that I'm looking for something to eat." Loki busied himself opening various jar and containers, sniffing at them and ocassionally sampling their contents with a finger.

"You cant just open and sniff and stick your fingers into my food." Jane waved the plunger at him.

"Why not?"

"It's rude and unsanitary." Knowing she was going to regret it, Jane motioned Loki over to the kitchen table. "Sit down, behave yourself and I'll make a sandwich for you." Jane had never seen anyone who could lounge in a kitchen chair, but Loki managed to pull it off.

"Normally you sleep through one of my nocturnal visits." Loki watched Jane as she worked, restlessly drumming his fingers on the table top.

"What? How often have you done this?"_ *That's it I'm getting a dog, a big one, a really big one. A mastiff. No, they drool too much. A German Shepherd or a Belgian Malinois. I'll talk to Coulson tomorrow, if I survive this night*_

"If I'm in the area and I'm peckish, I stop by. Your selection has improved greatly since Thor came back. Has he bedded you yet?"

Jane managed, just barely, not to slice the tip of her finger off along with the tomato. "I don't think that is any of your business."

"Ah. That would be a no, then." Loki laughed. "I'm afraid that you are going to have to take the bull by the horns, Jane Foster. If you're waiting for him to throw you down in some fragrant meadow, tear your clothing off and ravish you like the men in one of those cheap Midgard romance novels, you will be waiting a very long time."

Jane, remembering Thor's chaste kiss to her hand and how she'd had to take the initiative and go for the lip lock, was afraid Loki had a point. "What are you doing in this area, anyway?"

"Spying on S.H.I.E.L.D. of course." Loki made a tsking sound. "I thought you were supposed to be intelligent?"

Jane wasn't going to banter insults back and forth with Loki - instead she discretely spit on the sliced tomatoes before adding them to Loki's sandwich. It was a good spit, a juicy, big glob of it. She topped off the sandwich and handed it to Loki. "Take it and go."

Loki got up, stretched, took the sandwich from Jane, grabbed a beer from the fridge, then like Keyser Söze in the film "The Usual Suspects', he was gone.

Jane felt a little childish about having spit on Loki's sandwich, but ultimately decided she was just acting as an agent for karma. What goes around comes around and in Loki's case what was coming back around was not likely to be pretty.


	2. Tony

"Uncorrected personality traits

That seem whimsical in a child

May prove ugly

In a fully grown adult"

"Uncorrected Personality Traits"

Robyn Hitchcock

TONY

Tony had no plan in mind as such, just go out, get something to eat and maybe hook up for the night. Where and when this happened was left to chance. He had stopped for a red light when the passenger side car door opened and a man slid inside. A dark haired man in a loose green silk shirt, black leather pants, and boots. Loki. Tony gripped the steering wheel a bit tighter. So much for the security system in his car. He'd have to see what he could do about Loki-proofing it.

"Good evening, Tony." Loki smiled at him. "Where are we going?"

"We? I am going out for some turf and surf. You are going somewhere else that's not here in my car. Bye."

"And here I was going to include you among the honored guests at my victory feast." Loki sighed. 'What is turf and surf?"

"Steak and lobster."

"Ah. Unfortunately I'm in the mood for sushi. There is a great place on East 47th, Kuruma Zushi. Their sake selection is excellent and they serve ice cream for dessert. We will go there."

"My car, my choice. I'm not in the mood for sushi, and I've avoided sake since the New Years Day hangover of 2004."

Loki frowned and pointed an elegant finger at Tony, then back at himself. "Mortal human..God." He crossed his arms. "I believe I've made my point."

Tony pointed with the middle finger of his right hand at Loki, then used his right index finger to point back at himself. "Passenger...Driver. Wait, you know what, fuck this." He turned the car into an alley. turned off the engine and got out.

Loki blinked in confusion. This is not how you played the game. He got out of the car. "What are you doing Tony?"

"I'm calling a cab to pick me up. I don't suppose you drive?" Loki shook his head no. "Then I'll call Pepper and have her pick up the car."

"What? You're going to leave me here?"

"Yes I am. You can just wriggle your little nose and teleport to your sushi restaurant."

"Why would I wriggle my nose?" Loki was becoming more confused by the moment.

"I was making a reference to Samantha from 'Bewitched'. Old television series. She was a witch and she used to wriggle her nose when she used magic. I guess you don't do that."

"No." Loki crossed his arms. "I want to go in the car, with you. You are not playing the game correctly."

"No, I'm not playing the game at all. Last chance."

Damned vexing mortal. Loki felt like stamping a foot in frustration, but he refrained. "Very well. I agree."

Tony studied Loki for a few moments. For once his hair was loose and not slicked back. He was just too damned gorgeous for words. Making his decision, Tony walked back over to the car. "Good boy. Get in and don't forget to buckle up." The expression of righteous indignation on the Trickster's face was too much and Tony started to chuckle. He was still chuckling when they reached the restaurant.


	3. Steve

"Uncorrected personality traits

That seem whimsical in a child

May prove ugly

In a fully grown adult"

"Uncorrected Personality Traits"

Robyn Hitchcock

There is a reference to one of my earlier fics "Loki finds His inner Bliss"

STEVE

Steve Rogers was tired, but it was a good tired, a post-workout tired. He walked into his room at the Avengers 'madhouse', as Clint had named it. He didn't bother turning on the light as he stripped off his clothing. He was completely naked before he noticed the dark figure reclining on his bed. Loki. Damn. He thought to grab some coverage, but decided that would only add to the Norse God's amusement. Damn and damn again. "What do you want Loki?"

A globe of light appeared and grew until the room was illuminated to Loki's satisfaction. "Not even a hello? What do I want. Well, apart from world domination, I've thought it might be nice to be named People Magazine's 'World's Sexiest Super Villian'. Not that I have much competition, mind you. Tell me the truth, do you think I stand a chance?"

Steve snorted. "Why are you here in my bed?"

"Everybody has to be some place, do they not? I was lurking about and I decided to take a nap. I've been in Stark's bed and didn't care for it too much, so I decided to try another room."

"Who are you, Goldilocks?"

"Pardon?"

"Goldilocks and the Three Bears. The Three Bears go for a walk while they wait for their porridge to cool. While they are gone Goldilocks enters their cottage, breaks one of their chairs, eats some of their porridge and falls asleep on one of their beds."

"I suppose they ate her then?"

"No, she runs away. You haven't broken a chair yet, but you've raided the fridge and now you are trying out beds." Steve shrugged.

"It would have been a better story if they had eaten her. No, I'm not Goldilocks." Loki stretched in a languid manner and got off of the bed. He walked over to where Steve stood, much to Steve's discomfort. "No need to be shy around me, Captain. Do you remember the night I showed up in a somewhat altered state? I lay half-naked on the couch with my head in your lap. In some realms, that would make us as good as betrothed."

Steve could not help but blush as the memory of that night came rushing back. "I'm not into guys."

"Well, a male would not be my first choice. But if the opportunity presents itself, I'm up for anything - male, female, beast. Being a shapeshifter opens up a wide range if possible sex partners."

Steve's blush deepened, and Loki chuckled. "You really are an old fashioned boy, aren't you? What is the phrase. Ah, the last American Boy Scout. What a waste." Loki ran a finger slowly down Steve's chest.

It was at this point that Clint Barton opened Steve's bedroom door. "I'm going for pizza, you want..." Clint tried to process the scene before him. A naked Steve and a clothed Loki (for which he was grateful, otherwise his eyeballs might have burst). "Am I interrupting anything?"

"No", said Steve.

"Yes", said Loki, glaring at Clint. "Don't you people knock?"

Steve took advantage of the distraction to grab what clothes he could reach and bolt for the door, Loki's mocking laughter following him.

"Do I want to know?" Clint asked.

"No. We really need to get Stark working on Loki proofing this place."

His fun having been interrupted, a petulant Loki decided to see what mischief he could cause elsewhere, perhaps at the New York Stock Exhange. A financial panic might be just the ticket to restoring his good humor.


	4. Nick Fury

"Uncorrected personality traits

That seem whimsical in a child

May prove ugly

In a fully grown adult"

"Uncorrected Personality Traits"

Robyn Hitchcock

Forgive me if my Fury is a little OC and more Sam Jacksonized - He's just so bad ass. I'm doing a little Pulp Fictionizing here. The idea of the yellow and pink car came from "Kill Bill". Loki is looking for a little payback after Fury tasered him in "Let's make a Deal or Not".

NICK FURY

Three young people, not that much different than any other patrons of Starbucks, sat at a table, enjoying their lattes and scones. The flaxen haired young man was currently texting, the raven haired young woman was working on her laptop and the dark haired young man appeared bored with it all. Though it was hard to tell behind his expensive shades.

"Nick Fury has arrived in the building, Prince Loki." Said the young man. whose name was Mikka.

"Excellent. I would wait a bit before heading to the car park. Order another latte for me."

"It's a garage." The young woman looked up from her lap top. "If we were in London, which we aren't, it would be a car park."

Loki did not appreciate having his mistake pointed out to him. "Thank you for that totally irrelevant bit of information, Sabine." The sunglasses slid down and two very green eyes stared at the girl. "And I suggest you remember that the only one here who cannot be replaced is me. Best not to vex me, don't you think?"

Mikka returned with Loki's latte. Loki did not offer thanks, one did not thank one's minions. "Let's go over this one more time shall we? Mikka will retrieve Fury's car from the garage and meet you at the body shop, where you will oversee the, what is the word?" Loki tapped his chin. "Ah, makeover. When the work has been completed, you will text me. I will meet both of you at the shop, for final approval and to place a note for Fury to find inside his car. Then Mikka will park Fury's car in a public space."

Sabine didn't understand why her boss and future ruler wanted to play these little games. Why not just kill Fury? "It's going to take more than a day."

Loki shrugged. "It's of no consequence."

0000000000000000000

Nick Fury looked at the garage security tape for the tenth time, watching as he took possession of his car from the parking valet. How did you explain to police that yes, that did appear to be him taking possession of his car, but it wasn't. That he was, in fact, attending a meeting at the time. Loki had crossed the line. You DID NOT mess with a man's car. Thor, who had suffered through many of Loki's vindictive pranks, held the view that Fury had brought this trouble upon himself. He started to say as much to Fury, but Tony stuffed half a meatball sub in his mouth before he got the words out, all the while shaking his head with a wild-eyed look. Thor got the hint. He wasn't THAT dense.

Fury's mood did not improve when his car was located in an impound lot a few days later. His pristine black Lexus had undergone a transformation. It was painted a bright yellow and had the words 'Pussy Pimp' painted in pink on both sides. He opened the driver's side door and picked up the envelope laying there. Inside was a note which read "Payback is a bitch, isn't it. Hugs and kisses, Loki".

Fury stood there nodding to himself, as he took out his cell phone. "Coulson? Would you inform the Mighty Thor that I'm gonna get medieval on his little brother's ass? I'm talking old school, rack and torture. Get Stark working on it."


	5. Darcy

"Uncorrected personality traits

That seem whimsical in a child

May prove ugly

In a fully grown adult"

"Uncorrected Personality Traits"

Robyn Hitchcock

DARCY

She couldn't see him, of course, but the nervous twisting of her hair and her glances about the laundromat let Loki know that he was having an affect on the young woman. His breath touched the back of her neck, and he watched in delight as she shivered. This was just too easy. She was wearing a very thin top that hung low enough to display her womanly charms. Loki found himself fascinated by Darcy's breasts and had no explanation as to why. They were ample, but he'd seen bigger. He decided what interested him was that they seemed to defy gravity.

"How do you keep them up?" He asked, pointing to her breasts, as he fnally showed himself.

Darcy screamed - it wasn't quite Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween - but it was a good scream none the less. As she turned to face Loki, she realized her taser was in her bag, her bag was beyond her reach, and she was in a laundromat with Thor's disturbed little brother.

"What?" Maybe she'd heard him wrong, what with her screaming and everything. Had he asked about her breasts?

"Your breasts, how do you keep them up?"

Yep, he'd asked about her breasts. "Victoria's Secret 'Body by Victoria'. You're freaking me out. What are you doing here anyway. Shouldn't you be out doing super villian type things?"

"I'm taking a break from super villianous acts of mass destruction at the moment. You are still Jane's assistant, are you not?" Loki picked up one of Darcy's bras and studied it. It seemed rather insubstantial, considering its function. He fingered the hard ridge around the cup and came to the conclusion that it played an important role in keeping Darcy's breasts up and forward. It had to be uncomfortable.

"Yes." Darcy watched as Loki continued with his inspection of her bra. This was fast entering creepyville. "Would you please stop fondling my lingerie?"

Loki tossed the bra onto a nearby table. "I was inspecting, NOT fondling."

"Uh Huh. Why are you here?" Darcy picked up the bra and added it to her lingerie pile.

"I looked up your information on Jane's computer. You weren't in, but you left a note on your door that said you had gone next door to do laundry. That's not very cautious of you."

"Maybe I'm expecting someone. But you still haven't answered my question. Why are you bothering me?"

"Jane wasn't home and the Avengers are responding to the latest crisis du jour - nothing to do with me. It was either you or Erik Selvig and I've already played with him." Loki shrugged. "Are you expecting someone?"

"Yes."

"No you're not." Loki shook a finger at her. "You should know better than to try to lie to me. The father of lies is one of my titles you know."

"You're also an annoying pain in the ass." Darcy began to casually maneuver towards her bag. Just a little bit further.

"Now you're just being rude. And you will not be able to reach your bag before I reach you."

_*Damn*_

Loki smiled at her. His cell phone began to ring and he answered it, never taking his eyes off of Darcy. "Yes. I see. I will be there shortly." Loki hung up then walked over to where Darcy stood, backing her up until she was against the wall of dryers. "Duty calls, I'm afraid. I need to go terrify one of my minions." He took Darcy's left hand and kissed it. "We will continue this another time, Miss Lewis."

"Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out."

Loki exited, laughing.

Darcy decided she was gonna go back to her apartment, nuke some nachos, open a bottle of tequila and watch a few chicks kicking ass movies. Oh, and she was MOST definitely gonna tell Jane about this.


	6. Thor

"Uncorrected personality traits

That seem whimsical in a child

May prove ugly

In a fully grown adult"

"Uncorrected Personality Traits"

Robyn Hitchcock

THOR

Loki sat on a rooftop, sipping his caramel macchiato and nibbling on a walnut scone, as he watched the bank hostage drama unfolding on the street below. Nothing to do with him of course, he'd never engage in such common an act, but it was a chance to observe the local law enforcement in action. A sudden displacement of air and a mighty thump of booted feet let him know he was no longer alone. He sighed.

"I need to speak with you brother." Thor was acting a bit fidgety, casually tossing Mjölnir from his right hand to his left and back again.

"I didn't think you were joining me here just to admire the view." Loki sighed again. "What do you so urgently need to discuss?"

Thor pointed Mjölnir towards Loki. "You must stop."

*_Have patience. And remember, try to keep the words small*. _"Stop what?" Loki arched his left eyebrow.

"These games you play with the Avengers." Thor frowned and paused for a moment. 'And Jane."

"Just a bit of fun, except for Nick Fury. He had it coming."

"I agree with you, but the others do not see it this way. Because of you, Jane and I had a fight and I am banished to the couch. It is not big enough for me, and I am losing sleep." Thor stifled a yawn.

"So you normally share the bed?"

"Of course."

"Do you do anything in it besides sleep?" Loki finished off his scone.

"That is none of your business, brother." Thor frowned at him. "And it would be dishonorable of me to speak of it."

Loki could not hold back a derisive snort and his brother's frown deepened. "Yes, of course. Know what I say? I say there is no sex happening in that bed apart from self-pleasure. Nor has there been any sex on the couch, on the kitchen table, in the shower or on the floor. All of which are fun and present their own challenges." Loki took one final sip of his coffee and set the cup down.

"I will not speak of this." Thor pointed Mjölnir at Loki once again.

"There is no need. Jane is not as shy as you and she spoke of it during my last visit." Loki allowed himself a small smirk, but kept a wary eye on Thor's mighty hammer and on the sky as some rather dark and threatening thunderclouds had appeared.

"You lie."

_"_It's possible. After all, I am Loki Liesmith. But then, I just might be telling the truth. Jane wants some touch Thor. You are experienced, are you not?"

"I'm not a virgin, if that is what you mean." Thor was blushing almost as red as his cape.

"Let me guess, Sif?"

"Aye." Thor looked at the rooftop and mumbled "It did not go well."

"First times are often awkward, mine was with Amora. She was into erotic strangulation. I almost died."

"Please brother, no details." Thor felt slightly queasy.

"As you wish. But if you don't want to spend your nights tossing and turning on Jane's couch, you need to sweep her up into your arms, throw her on the bed, rip her clothes off and ravage her." A bolt of lightning struck the rooftop inches away from Loki. "Just a suggestion."

Thor nodded. Perhaps his brother was right.

Loki smiled. "Don't tell her it was my idea. Take credit for it." Loki vanished, and Thor took his leave soon after.

Later that evening, nursing a few bruises, Thor would remember that it was unwise to accept advice from Loki.


	7. Jane Redux

"Uncorrected personality traits

That seem whimsical in a child

May prove ugly

In a fully grown adult"

"Uncorrected Personality Traits"

Robyn Hitchcock

For Shipperwolf since she begged so nicely. Jane again, and the end of my series.

JANE REDUX

It was perhaps one or so in the morning, and Loki was once again raiding Jane's refrigerator. He grabbed a pint of Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey, and shut the door, turning towards the kitchen table. Then it happened. From out of the dimly illuminated kitchen in front of him came a small fist, which connected with his nose. Loki went down. Standing above him, a victorious Jane pumped her fists, then shook out her smarting hand.

"Wha...?" A dazed Loki picked up the carton of Ben and Jerry's and held it against his aching nose. Bleeding, but not broken.

Jane reached down and took the Ben and Jerry's away from Loki. "Interfering assholes don't get ice cream."

Loki still looked a bit dazed and confused. "You hit me in the nose."

"Yes I did." Jane put the Ben and Jerry's back in the freezer.

"Why?"

Jane folded her arms. "Why? Thor tried to be spontaneously romantic last night, and it wasn't pretty."

This was not making any sense to Loki. "So why not punch him in the nose?"

"I did." Jane grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and sat down on one of the kitchen chairs. "Are you going to get up or sit there on the floor with that goofy look on your face."

Loki bristled a bit at the 'goofy look' comment' *_I bet you'd look goofy too if someone had just punched you in the nose* "_I am fine where I am, at present."

"Ok." Jane took a swig from her water. "I know you had something to do with it all, though Thor denies it. I was surprised to see him come through the door, and even more surprised when he swept me off my feet and carried me to the bedroom. He tossed me on the bed, and before I had stopped bouncing, he launched himself and landed on top of me. The bed broke, and the head board fell and hit me on the top of my head. I have a lump. Thor was laughing his ass off on top of me, while I was struggling just to breathe. I was smashed - now I know what a fly feels like when you swat it - something I'd rather not have found out. I kept trying to push him off and finally I hit him on the nose. He sat up, then went over backwards and hit his head on the floor. He started laughing again, so I crawled over and punched him in the arm. That only made him laugh louder, which was kind of insulting. Still, I did leave a bruise." She took another swig of her water.

Loki blinked. "And you blame me because?"

"Who else could it be?" Jane set the bottle down on the kitchen table and crossed her arms. "It fits nicely under acts of the God of Mischief."

"Well, Tony Stark for one. It does seem to fit his usual modus operandi. Perhaps he gave Thor the idea."

"True. I hadn't thought about Tony. Maybe I was a little quick to judgement."

Loki inclined his head. " Indeed. So how do you plan to soothe my wounded dignity?"

"I'm inclined to deduct my punch to your nose from your karma tab, which has to lean way the hell over to the bad side. I'm sure you have at least a millennia or two of accumulated bad karma. But punching you in the nose was really gratifying. So I'll be nice and let you have a bowl of Ben and Jerry's."

"That is most gracious of you."

Jane got a bowl out for Loki and one for herself and divided the carton between the two of them. "Now you're being sarcastic. You were just going to eat it from the carton, weren't you, if I hadn't interrupted."

"Of course."

"Of course." Jane repeated and laughed. Loki joined her. Then there was silence, apart from the sounds of contentment that can only come from eating really good ice cream.


End file.
